Beth's Lurgy Diary 2023

 

 

I thought I would write this as I'm late to the party getting Covid. As somebody who hadn't had it I was intrigued about what it might entail but when I asked people they would just say. I felt shit, it was worse than a cold or at the other end I didn't feel ill at all. I know that this thing is really variable both from one individual to the next and over time so I thought a diary of what I'm getting in February 2023 might be useful if you are wondering what you might expect or be on the look out for. 

Day 1

I take a test when I'm going to be going on public transport or to visit places or people who are vunerable. I used to take one every time I went to a social occassion but I was using up too many tests and the chemist near us hasn't stocked them for a few months. They are like hens teeth around here. I took the last of our test this morning and it was negative. I had a very slight sore throat but I've put that down to an agressive wax burner we have been using and what else can one go on but the test. I do have a tendancy to play close attention to my health and dips in it. I would have to use several hands to count up the amount of times I've thought I was getting covid. 

I  was fine on the bus but as I set off to walk to an appointment every step felt hard work. Kind of achy but not quiet. I usually enjoy a new walk, an adventure but I felt the journey wondering if I should have a rest on each wall or bench.  I had a choice after the appointment of a walk or bus and I'd usually choose to walk but bus was in my head. I was, for the first time in ages stupidly hungry so I went to a local supermarket. I'm not often in a supermarket but I am usually grumpy in them. My patience today was even shorter. I just had no energy to find the strange hidding place for the sandwiches or make a wise choice once I found them. So the first sign for me seems to me a weird  tiredness. Tricky as this is a first sign when you are coming down with most things. 

Talking with a friend there was a sort of floaty feel and real effort needed to concentrate. Back home and chatting with my Mum online and I start to sniffle and sneeze. "You are coming down with a cold." my Mum says and I agree. In the night I wake up several times with aching eyeballs, headache and a catch in my breath. I call it a catch in breath as its not a tight chest its more like when you take a glug of drink and forget to breath and then you have to do that catch up breath. I freak a bit at that as it brings back memories of my Dad passing away and my panic makes breathing even harder. I get up and watch some tele as lying in the dark in bed is scarier for me than being up watching kitchen nightmares. I remember advice online which I read frantically when this first started about controlled breathing. When the catch comes I try to take deeper concious breaths and I admit to my other half how I'm feeling. I tell him that I know that I can breath  but feel like I can't. I know from Dad's passing how long breath can be held, another breath pops up and life still keeps going. Its not that easy to stop breathing but it felt that way in the middle of the night. Admitting my feelings out loud and focusing on the tele and breathing deeply helped me get back on top and back to bed. It was a broken night and I decided that if these nights were to continue I'd have a plan for the next one. 

Day 2

 

Our friend ordered us some more tests and around mid day they arrived. I'd been watching TV downstairs, wearing a mask when others came in. The aching eyeballs were the worst of the symptoms today. In the film "Withnail and I" he says he has a "Bastard behind the eyes" and that very much summed it up. It was annoying me as I couldn't read, knit or do any drawing work. Even watching TV needed bits watched through closed eyes. I'd cancelled a meeting, unwilling to go without a test first. There was a revisiting of the sore neck which featured post vaccine and walking like a zombie, one of those slow ones I struggle to see the threat in. 

The test was so positive. The line sprung into life as soon as the liquid seeped to the T. My first reaction was to feel bad for visiting people the day before, I'd tried so hard through this to be less risk to others.  I retired to our bed room after negotiating that the other half should go to the spare room. Its probably unlikely that he will swerve it again but worth a try. 

I read something about staying active with covid but its hard when isolating in a room where the major furniture is a bed. In bed my back starts to ache but that could be to do with other health issues I have. The main feature of day 2 is aching though. No loss of taste, smell of appetite. Raging thirst which is good as staying hydrated is another tip. I get some licorice as that has been shown in studies to help. Normally I love it but it does taste really sweet. Runny nose but my nose will run at the drop of a hat anyway. 

Day 3

 

The headache has subsided and a lot of the aches. Just the neck and shoulder ache and a feeling that if you turn too quickly you might stick that way. Catch of breath is still there but I've got used to it and its not so bad now its not novel and its explained. I keep trying to do things but got pulled up by the limits of my energy. I only ever really get bored when I'm tired so I'm getting very bored. I opened the window and smelt burning "ummm real outside smells" I thought. Its only day 2 in this room. I looked up quarantine advice and it says 5-10 days. 

Symptoms are all managable now with pain killers every so often and as with most illness it seems to get worse as the day goes on. I have night time plans. Podcasts to listen to if I can't get to sleep. Things to watch if I wake up and need the company of tiny others. Night times haven't been as bad as that first one when I wasn't sure what was occuring.

Day 4

 

Woke up in the night with sore throat. You know when you swallow a chip too soon and it scrapes down your throat, maybe just me as I do have a tendency to wolf my food. Like that only with every gulp. I think out of all the symptoms this far this is my least favourite. On the plus side its the kind of pain which, unlike the head and eye ball ache, is eradicated with pain killers. I wonder why some kinds of pains respond better. I must look that up. But first after playing catch up and writing up to here think my energy is used up and I'll go stare into space for a bit.  

I tried to tidy some clothes but half way through ran out of steam and got a sore neck. I even commited a knitting sin and gave up knitting half way through a row.  I seem to be ending the day with no real aches or pains but a spaced out feeling, itchy inner ears and a gurgling belly.  I keep thinking I feel better but who knows. 

Day 5

 

For those who like things explained in metaphors. 

I woke up last night and concluded that Covid is like a piece of classical music. You press play and as it starts so quietly you wonder if you have pressed play at all. Maybe you turn it up to test your equipment. Push things wondering what is up. And then a certain refrain sets off, a set of strangely arranged  notes which alerts you to the fact that something has disturbed the airwaves.  At first its unfamiliar. Maybe you get some help from the program and its tells you what its called and what you might expect. You feel more at ease with the information and relax now that it at least has a name. And on it goes, sometimes, so silent it seems it might have ended, then a set of new notes followed by a come back from old refrains. It is sometimes unpredictable, sometimes leaves one anticipating, sometimes has one humming along to a familiar bit. 

And where is my control in all this I thought in the middle of the night?

Like the conductor. To the untrained eye just waving her arms but to those in the know slowing things down, speeding up a little, holding the whole piece together whilst each instrument gets on with their bit. Deciding when to intercede and when to just let things roll on. One might think that the orchestra pay no attention but perhaps they do look up and finding a calm conductor might give them assurances. 

 

Day 6

Yesterday was a good day in terms of symptoms but a bad one in terms of frustration. No pain killers required because all the aches had left. All that remained was a sore stomach, but I'm used to that, and an annoying throat tickle when talking. With a new burst of energy came a cooped up feeling. Wanting to walk and move about but with no enough space to do it. My usual guilt I get when I don't do much. I made myself a little dinning room/studio corner so that I don't need to lie down all the time. I tried some drawing but the neck ache returned. I tried pretending to be a ninja in the bathroom but that can only be sustained for so long. Test was still positive so I felt stuck. Today I've woken feeling tired out and with a tight chest. Turns out I was right with the music metaphor. Yesterday was an almost silent lull, today I think its back in the acendent. Thus far I've slept less than I usually do, awake at night more and I find it hard to sleep in the day. Maybe today will be a sleep day.

 Day 7

I placed a photo further up by an artist we saw when we visited "The Foundation Of Doubt" an amazing place in France featuring the work of Fluxus artists. I can't find which artist this particular work is by to credit them but it still serves as an illustration to my thoughts from last night. 

Yesterday wasn't a sleep day. I've never been much good at sleeping in the day. Even when my son was a baby and would have me awake all night I'd still struggle to take midwifes advice and sleep when he did. Another day, stuck in, trying to protect the other half and others from this, been brought my meals which I'm grateful for but without the human comfort which illness usually brings, a hug, a held hand a mopped brow. I didn't feel that ill just out of sorts. I'm not sure if it was the situation, the covid or both which was jangling my mental well being. I tried to do some art as usually I have enough imagination and tenacity to create through even the dullest of times but the muse has well and truly left the building. Part practical in that the neck ache returns if you look down but also a real grump with the process. 

So last night I was brought to the thought. "If I can't be productive, connected to people or creative I'd rather not exist". I wondered if everybody felt like that or just me and what it was which made me feel this way, a deep sense on anxiety if I wasn't making an impression on something or somebody. 

Maybe Its a shame to still feel this way as  I've been working on the idea that my purpose as a living being is just to exist and experience life. That this alone is enough and anything else is a bonus. But I do find it tricky to consume without creating even for a week or so. The amount of times I've gone on holiday leaving my art materials behind and then half way through found an art shop and bought things to create with. The times we have gone to visit the beach and I've made sand sculptures or formed gloupy mud into elf heads. This impulse to create is a pleasure but I have a low tolerance to rest and just consuming other peoples creative output in the form of TV box sets, books or just watching the clouds. The lurgy, wherever it is lurcking was zapping energy still and  making just sitting and exisiting the only real option. I guess better day sleepers just sleep through it, If I wasn't isolating I might just try to do activity through it. Now I'd like a switch so that I could be turned off and rebooted when I'm full of beans again.  As that isn't actually possible I'm stuck dealing with my disgruntled chimp self (as noted in the wor of Dr Steve Peters). If anybody has similar temprement and any advice do give me a shout.

Day 8

This is now so boring.

Day 9

Just a slowly forming faint line on the test today and so it is with my sense of it in me today. Its on its way out. I drew and painted for much of the day my concentration back. My only real issues are stomach related. Covid, hernia, cysts or a combination? I'm not sure. Tomorrow or maybe the next day I may be free to roam once more.  Life before this week hasn't been that full, curtailed as it is by family circumstances. I'm not sure I want to get wrapped up in a social whirl when I get out but I do think I want to see more things, be outside more. Not travel just for the sake of it. New things might not be far flung, they could be just on the doorstep. I also want to give the other half a big hug. Its been to protect him that I've stayed in my room in the house. I've always thought that I can conect more through minds than physically, not considering myself a prolific hugger but my mind has been half powered this week and his sits under a veil. He is a man of few words these days and now I've come to realise how those little hugs and tiny points of physical contact bind us more than words.

I'm glad I wrote this as my memory of the symptoms seems hazy now. Perhaps fogetting illness is a kindness the mind serves us. Maybe its not defense which stops us wanting to talk about it beyond the point but an inability to remember it clearly enough to recount. 

Comings and Goings

 A short piece of writing which has no other home but which you might like to read. Warning its a bit sad and thoughtful. I haven't put this and other pieces on facebook as people don't always want the difficult in that place but if you do read it and get anything from it please do get in touch. Facebook is my most frequented haunt.

Nobody really told me that at a certain point in life all the comings would be replaced by goings. At the age of four there was the coming of a baby sister,  then the coming of school teachers, some nasty some nice.  Then came a child of my own and family and friends new borns.

In my 40’s the comings have stopped and the goings pile one on top of the other, building a wall which locks in a certain feeling.  Hard to know what to call it and what to do with it. The goings began with  Grandma who died at a good old age surrounded by family.  Then came the parting of my partners Mum who slipped away in her sleep.  The loss of my partners job and the slow chipping away of benefits which had kept us working and afloat. My Dad followed on a few months after, a harder death with breath caught short by strands of asbestos and the cancer they caused. Then came the loss of our home, taken back by our landlord. The departing of many possessions as we sold them on to make a move lighter. The loss of the cat who was lovingly rehoused one day near to moving time.

 The loss of a dream followed next as we returned from a three month journey to buy a French house, brought back by brexit uncertainty and my partners ill health. Loss then of my partner, not to death but to strong tablets and illness which etch into what he is. Loss of  an easy freedom as trips beyond the front door have to be arranged not just taken. I don’t cry until I see the watch my partner gave me, fallen from my wrist and disappearing round the u bend of a flushed toilet. I wonder if one day there will be one loss too many.

When you reach an age when the natural order of things brings up more goings then comings how do you create a feeling that new things might come? Perhaps my new upturn in ordering stuff is some effort to salve the wounds of all these goings. The knock on the door announcing a new rug, books a food order. The dragging in of the parcel, the unwrapping.  The placing of the new thing in our still sparse surroundings.  It is just a salve and the object soon tarnishes and its thrill wears off. Too much of it and I will once again be drowning in stuff whilst the world will be slightly depleted.

 I paint of course. It is what I do to give life meaning, it is what I am and it shifts the mind to a new place for a while. The sticky oil paints, squeezed from a tube, scrubbed onto paper. Each painting a coming. I write, splurge and shape my story into something familiar at time of writing but when read back new.  I knit and crochet, each stitch a step towards a new thing.

I worry for those who have no way to create new comings in their world full of goings.  I guess that most of us find our own way of doing it. Maybe it is as simple as turning dirty toilet into clean, finding new people to be with, new missions, taking up scuba diving.  We have to work within the confines of our circumstances, wishes are useless here. It is only feasible actions which seem to help. Actions which balance all the goings with comings. It is probably why I facebook share the pictures of a soup I made or show a room moved around into a more pleasing form, why I share each painting when it is only half there. Proof to me and others that through the effort of action I brought something into being today and it isn’t always a story of loss.

Transition Northwich Calendar

Beautiful Things Update

Do read the story of the project below but first new exciting news. Beautiful Things MMU collaboration will be exhibited at Manchester Metropolitan University on April 27th - 1st May 2015.

The plan for the exhibition is here:

The Story

Beautiful Things is a project I started some years ago which looks at the value of objects and how we add or take away value through our artistic interventions. Chosen forgotten but beautiful objects are each boxed into an collage box  Exhibition visitors can obtain one of my boxed works through a bidding process where the intentions for the bid are considered as much as the artwork. Recently VAC gallery in Northwich were kind enough to feature one of the works and five bids resulted. All those who bid have consented to there bid being included below.
The box people bidded on:

The bids
Hazel Jones
Price you wish to pay: a cup of coffee and a cake
What will you do with the piece?
Chance to exchange ideas. I really like your project and the thought that I will become part of deciding what will happen with the buttons and art in the end. Making connections with other artists who enjoy the process of rethinking what happens next is the best bit. We could decide that over tea/coffee and cake.



Jane Carter
Price you wish to pay:£1
What will you do with the piece?
Buttons, brown
Echo a life of busying around
Sleeping
Talking, Walking,
standing at a bar
Waiting....
hesitant.....
Will she?/Won't she?
turn up?
take her out for a burn up on my triumph!
the stories we could make up-
together

I would sit and play with the piece and make up stories about it


Jaswindre Elwick
Price you wish to pay:A swap for my two Naughty Putti
What will you do with the piece?
I love the sentiment behind the work. The box is beautiful and I love the drawn buttons.
it would be displayed in my home.

Lou O'Hara
Price you wish to pay: artswop=box framed total size 25x25cm.
What will you do with the piece?
This piece will be exhibited in my studio with my cuffs and collat work...I just adore it.

Emma Thackham
Price you wish to pay: £5 and collaboration
What will you do with the piece?
I'd use it for inspiration to finish work as I start a lot of pieces and finish few. It would be added to my little collection of artworks I started to buy to support my friends and collegues. It would remind me about slow art and counting my blessings, making time to make and be alone and with others. I'd exhibit it next time I embark on my own series ' Encounters and Documents" and i would eventually gift it to somebody else, an artist comrade who needed it more.

 The winner: 
The winner was Hazel Jones. I decided that the only way to judge it was in terms of the projects initial intention. This was that the boxes would not be the final resting places for the Beautiful Things but rather a resting spot. Hazel's offer was open enough to inspire an intrigue about where the item would end up and the debate about its onwards journey was an interesting offer.

What next?

I met with Hazel for the excange of the box for coffee cake and a debate. Hazel teaches an Interactive Art Course at MMU.

She came to our meeting with an intriguing orange index box. Inside were a collection of cards all hand written by her students. Each was an idea for the box.

P.S in my hairs defence I got very wet in the rain

 As we talked through each idea one seemed to fit as an overarching structure determining a way forward, the others as experiements within this. Basis for overarching structure from the card below.

Inspired by the students ideas we have decided that the following structure would be applied to the next step of the journey:

1 Each student will get a chance to carry out their idea
2 Each student will have the box on loan for one week during this time they will carry out their idea for the box.
3 In return for the loan of the box they will give artist Beth Barlow an item that they think is Beautiful but neglected. These can be handed to Hazel who will forward them on to Beth. Beth may make this into further boxes.
4 Once each person has completed their idea they will take a picture of their completed box. This will be made into a tag and attached to the box (this tag now becomes part of the work which can be played with too). A copy of the photo will also be kept for possible inclusion in an exhibition.
5 The box will then be passed on to the person next in line, as decided by Hazel/Rita. Decisions about who is next will be made depending on the state the box is returned in.  e.g if it is pulled apart an idea which brings it back together may be needed.
6 Participating artists can add comments to this blog as they wish.
7 A final exhibition of the project documentation and the resulting box will be exhibited somewhere.

It was very exciting.

All the students ideas are scanned below:

 

Hazel sent me regular updates and I've posted them below.  
The Journey of the button box has begun (update from Hazel)

Zoe Blanche had the box this week,,,she made it more personal .

Tyler Towner has it this week..fingers x'd .

Next in line:
Tyley Towner
E mail from Hazel: 
Tyler returned the box yesterday..I really like what he has done...he has taken nothing away..everything is still in the box..but not all visible at the moment..but that could change.
Rita and I have decided that Dani Butterworth will get it next.
I have the object Tyler gave me for you...should I post it through your door?

My reply:

Thanks Hazel,

I love the glue in the box and the marks on the back. . Nice atention to detail and a great opportunity now to reconstrust for the next person. Nice that our fear of pulling it apart has been got over. Very intrepid.

Thanks to Reid from MMU  the box has been on a day trip to liverpool, gained a passport, some postcards and experienced a fish supper.

Next student to take on the box was Elizabeth Walshaw. She took one of the buttons and sewed it onto her dress.  Returning it to its original function as a fastener.

Contribution by Teri Gosling:
I didn't want to add too much because I like the idea of the objects in side being contained and after danis extreme parcels I wanted to just add a piece of my project.

13/4/15
I've been enjoying revisiting this project which decended from the shelf thanks to a collaboration with MMU students and lecturers. Today has been box making and reworking the Beautiful things which the students gave me. Conversatins with artist Simon Kennedy about the value of a shell on the beach compaired to its value in a gallery of museum. moving on to talking about the artifacts we have in museums which were gathered from other countries. Should we give them all back?

More info on Beautiful Things and how it evolved  here

A gift in flowers

A few years back I began a Knit a Year project in Halton. One of the groups I met was the knitting group "Wednesday Woolies". The Knit a Year idea (knitting your moods each day for a year more info here www.knitayear.ning.com) largely fell of infertile ground within group. As we got to know each other a little better it became clear however that at the core of the group was the idea of giving. Be it knitting a jumper for a grandchild or knitting clothes for premature babies. Knitting and giving seem closely linked in general. A recent request I made for words knitters associate with knitting brought up words like contribution and friendship. It seems important for people in the group to knit for their own serenity but having a sense of its purpose also seems important.

With this in mind myself and one of the group members chatted about the idea of knitting flowers to get us through the winter months. But what would we do with them then? Who could we give them to? Hospices often can't host real flowers so a gift of our knitted flowers seemed like a sensible solution. The knitters knitted and sent me their beautiful flowers, as individual and delicate as the real things. The flowers now wait in bouquets ready for our visit to the local hospice.

More knitting  and life know how in our new book www.blurb.co.uk/b/5700567-creative-yarns

Behind the sensational

I was musing this morning on the news regarding Baroness Jenkins and her supposed gaff about poor people being better of eating porridge than cereal (not enough room here to get into the fact that we are dupped every day by manufacturers and shops who sell us these versions above the cheaper alternatives. Will save that for another day.). The media have jumped on this and concentrated on the implied snobbery in her statements. I think we have to ask why the media present us with certain parts of a story. Baroness Jenkins was part of a commitee of concerned MPS and Lords who decided to look into food poverty, write a report and start a discussion on it. Instead we are distraced from the report by these sensationalist headlines. With this in mind I set off to find and read the report. Several pages of google searches later I had trudged through repeats of the snobbery charges and got to the report. I've pasted a few bits of its content which I think are the things we should be concentrating on.

"We heard stories and gained first-hand

experience that led us to the conclusion that

the rise in the use of food banks does indicate

a deeper problem in our society; the ‘glue’

that used to be there is no longer there in

many instances. It can be described as the

commodification process with people seen as

commodities, and the transactions between

them are regarded simply as the exchanging of

products rather than relationships between two

human beings"

"So it is that right across the country, in towns and

villages, in urban and rural places, where there

would appear to be little deprivation and in places

of high deprivation, people have found ways to

try and put in place systems to help those most

in need. The phenomenon that has caught the

imagination most is food banks."

"We want to celebrate this and to reflect on our 

hopes of livingin a country where people do share

values andvirtues centred on a sense of interdependence,

underpinned in all we do by recognising the

intrinsic worth and value of humanity "

"We also want to avoid the easy mistake made

by reports such as this which all too easily

‘blame’ some groups and point the finger at

particular institutions. We do want to say some

hard things to different groups and there are

lessons to be learnt by all. It cannot be right,

for example, that in the twenty first century

we have so many people who appear to have

little or no food and that children and adults

are going hungry whilst many others (including

some of our large institutions) waste food in

scandalously huge amounts."

"We want to encourage all in our society to look

to our values and virtues and to begin a much

larger and deeper conversation about how

we live together. This conversation will have

consequences for the way we talk about other

people. For example, do we blame those who

have little or nothing or do we find ways to help

them? Do we criticise those who work in our

government departments or do we encourage

and allow them to work with discretion and to

find human ways to communicate and interact

with those they serve?"

"There are people in this very position right

now in this country although, for fairly obvious

reasons, we cannot put an exact number on

them. All we know, from our observations

gathered throughout this Inquiry, is that there

are too many people in this group. We also

know that even if families have enough, just

enough money to prevent hunger, this most

basic of objectives is made that much more

difficult if a family has only a very limited range

of food on offer, little or no ability to prepare

and cook food, and no facilities to cook that

food, or if there are other fundamental crises

afflicting their lives"

There follows lots of insightful writings on why people find themselves

 at food banks and then a few facts the most shocking of which I think is:

"Between 2003 and 2013, the price

of electricity, gas and other fuels increased

by 153.6% in Britain, 76% in Germany and

58.8% in France."

"And yet: Britain’s wages haven’t kept up.

Between 2003 and 2013, wages grew most

in Canada (36.5%) followed by the United

States (30.2%). Wages in Britain grew by

28% and in France by 26.6%. Wages grew

most slowly in Germany at 17.7%."

The report then goes on to state that the trickle down models, which 

assertained that as the general wealth of a country increases we 

all get richer is no longer working. The rich are getting richer 

and the poor are no longer benefiting.  It also calls for long term 

solitions which go beyond a single political term and agenda.

And then come the recommendations. One of the most profound of these in my mind is one which echoes thinkers from years ago such as E. F. Schumacher

who wrote "Small is Beautiful" or the writers of "A patterned Language".

"WhileFeeding Britain has the overall goal of a

hunger-free United Kingdom, this goal can

only be achieved if its strategy is based up

from the local town to city and then to region.

We believe that, as it develops, it is crucial

that this body develops a life of its own that

is independent of government and with the

ability to rise above other sectorial interests."

It goes on to reiterate the need for local and trusted known points of contact.

The Report very much sees hunger in britain as one element of a larger picture.

Alongside its suggestions around food it also states that:

"We believe the establishment of Feeding

Britain, alongside a higher National Minimum

Wage and a fairer and more reliable benefits

system, can help to rebuild our national

minimum to ensure we live in a ‘Zero Hunger

Britain’ – and thus bring together the two

parts of Beveridge that harness the virtues of

public and voluntary action."

It goes on to outline a number of practical solutions like "Social Supermarkets" 

where surplus from supermarkets etc are donated and sold at 

a highly discounted price. It also calls on supermarkets to increase the

percentage of their profits  (ie cash we plough into them :our spending to buy back goods we help produce and sell and their profits, my words not the reports)

into emergency food scenarios. This will then free up the food bank

organisations to spent charitable donations on tackling deeper underlying issues.

The report then goes on to discuss and provide recommendations for the wider issues which lead to

people needing to access foodbanks such as increased energy bills, 

poorly ran benefits systems, low pay and the lack of education in cooking healthy food. 

All in all its a well considered report which avoids the high brow speaking

you usually get with these kind of things. 

Its the combined efforts of people in goverment who have taken this on above and beyond what they usually do. I am as sceptical as the next person about

most of those who govern our country but think its a mistake to shoot down those

who seem to want to put their head above the parapit and help. Be we rich or poor we all make decisions to help our fellow man or not. I wouldn't be suprised 

if after getting such a media bashing Barroness Jenkins doesn't go back to her mansion and revert to buying handbags and shoes.

 The full report is here if you want to read it without my selections which might be biased towards my particular interests.
 http://bristol-cathedral.co.uk/images/uploads/Food_Poverty_Feeding_Britain_FINAL_PDF.pdf